Miami Student

I woke up the morning of Nov. 3 and couldn't quite decide whether to get dressed and go to class or draw a warm bath and toss in the hair dryer. I'm sure quite a few of you felt the same. On the bright side, my column for a Kerry victory wasn't quite as good, so as far as this little article goes, a Bush win is just dynamite. Yes, the politics of idiocy and fear not only won -they wiped the floor. Republicans proved that the American people are far more concerned about dudes copulating with dudes than illegal wars, health care, the environment, poverty and all that other crap that only sissies who don't love America whine about. We were Muhammad Ali getting his ass whupped and his jaw shattered by Ken Norton. …

As I write this I am suffering from reduced decision-making skills, poor judgment, slower than normal reaction time and slight memory loss. My eyes are glazed over, my mind is blurry, and all I really want to do is pass out in my bed. This sounds quite normal for a fun Saturday night, but it's the middle of the afternoon. …

"Say, uh, ya wanna go to Canada?" Oxford was a 5 o'clock shadow as we pulled out last Friday. Hunger called from the highway, and we got off at Wapakoneta white ball for a taste of the ultra-waffle. I ate to the tune of horse sirloin steak and white-yolk runny eggies as jukebox Seal gave us a big sloppy kiss from a rose on the gray. Back on I-75, we rode out of Ohio and into the blue states under the cover of darkness before tunneling out of the country completely. Waved on through to Canadian exile, we ditched the car in the bowels of the casino and pondered the next predicament. "So, are we gonna get a hotel?" asked Connecticut. "Ah, um, I was thinking we could meet someone and uh maybe crash with them, mmkay?" Chiller said . …