Spring Break
Columnist longs to report serious journalism
Column: Media Bias
Steve Markley, Senior Staff Writer
Issue date: 4/22/05 Section: OpEd Page
Recently, The Miami Student has received quite a bit of praise for its timely and insightful stories on class size, the safety at railroad crossings, and Oxford's neglectful landlords.
I would like to take this opportunity to assure readers of The Student that I had absolutely nothing to do with this whatsoever. My biggest contribution during this streak of reporting was to inform the other editors during our meeting which part of my anatomy all Miami administrators carping about our class size article could direct their complaints to (hint: it's one of four areas worn out from perverse treatment...wait, one of five).
The thing is, Miami, I'm no journalist. I'm not sure how I even ended up in this job and each new issue brings with it more reminders that I'm out of my element.
For instance, when I suggested breaking the story that, in addition to his other scandals, Tom DeLay was caught sodomizing barnyard animals, they all told me I needed "sources." Incidentally, Tom DeLay has since focused the blame for his carnal knowledge of animals that will soon be served to you in dining halls on the liberal media - where it belongs.
But back to the point: The entire staff seems to think I'm something of an ass-clown (indicated by the Editor-in-Chief who has not addressed me by any other name in roughly a month). That's why whenever we have to write one serious editorial and one "off the subject" for the opinion page, my co-editor takes the serious one (usually, something to do with ASG screwing up/not doing their job/servicing Satan in his attempt to conquer Earth) and the other editors say, "Okay, Markley, you write about how we should give little kids alcohol poisoning at Kidsfest."
So all I can do is keep rattling off columns. However, finding a niche as a columnist presents another problem. You have to find your voice, and Zach Parks already took the gruff "man's man" persona, so that's out. Not that it would have suited me anyway, unless there's something particularly manly about weeping while you masturbate.
I would like to take this opportunity to assure readers of The Student that I had absolutely nothing to do with this whatsoever. My biggest contribution during this streak of reporting was to inform the other editors during our meeting which part of my anatomy all Miami administrators carping about our class size article could direct their complaints to (hint: it's one of four areas worn out from perverse treatment...wait, one of five).
The thing is, Miami, I'm no journalist. I'm not sure how I even ended up in this job and each new issue brings with it more reminders that I'm out of my element.
For instance, when I suggested breaking the story that, in addition to his other scandals, Tom DeLay was caught sodomizing barnyard animals, they all told me I needed "sources." Incidentally, Tom DeLay has since focused the blame for his carnal knowledge of animals that will soon be served to you in dining halls on the liberal media - where it belongs.
But back to the point: The entire staff seems to think I'm something of an ass-clown (indicated by the Editor-in-Chief who has not addressed me by any other name in roughly a month). That's why whenever we have to write one serious editorial and one "off the subject" for the opinion page, my co-editor takes the serious one (usually, something to do with ASG screwing up/not doing their job/servicing Satan in his attempt to conquer Earth) and the other editors say, "Okay, Markley, you write about how we should give little kids alcohol poisoning at Kidsfest."
So all I can do is keep rattling off columns. However, finding a niche as a columnist presents another problem. You have to find your voice, and Zach Parks already took the gruff "man's man" persona, so that's out. Not that it would have suited me anyway, unless there's something particularly manly about weeping while you masturbate.
