Spring Break
Perspective: Dear Santa, I want ...
Christmas wishes abound
Chris Dierks
Issue date: 12/6/05 Section: OpEd Page
Dear Santa,
First off, Santa, I want to promise you that things are going to go much smoother next year. Along the same note, I will be a much better, more behaved, less heinous and horny individual next year, I promise.
Moving right along, Kris, let's get down to business. You're in the business of giving. I'm in the business of receiving and in some cases taking, but I want to be a good boy over the holiday season and not make anyone cry; thus, I will be mature and polite. The following items are what I truly desire from the bottom of my heart and I feel I most certainly deserve them.
First and foremost, finals are a week away. Santa, this one is a bit untraditional, but I need a month's worth of Adderall ASAP. I'm not kidding. Get it for me. I don't care what you have to do; beg for it, steal it, work the corner, make it, whatever. Just get me the brain candy. Let me assure you that my brain, GPA, profs, father and future employers will thank you.
Next, I need a new iPod. Santa, you brought me a 20-gig iPod more than a year ago and it's, like, way out of style and definitely not trendy. Having one of the huge 20-GB is like the equivalent to having a Zack Morris phone. Not cool. So Santa, I need a Nano. Actually, better make it two, in case one just isn't enough for all my music.
Thanks, Santa, but don't forget, only the color white. The others colors - not gonna lie - freak me out.
I could really go for a Miami RedHawks hockey jersey too. Again, not gonna lie, but I would never have fathomed my RedHawks to reach the No. 2 spot in the USA Today hockey poll. Get me a jersey. I will wear it only to Goggin and of course the pregame beforehand because that is where the war is won - not on the ice but behind the glass where thousands of intoxicated, insane students and fans cheer for their beloved Red and White.
The other day, I was also thinking how convenient it would be to have a personal assistant to answer my beck and call. I would think it would be a cross between Bruce Wayne's Alfred and Vincent Chase's Turtle - wait, that's just an old stoner with a corny British accent that can't speak correctly - I refuse to have Ozzy or Keith Richards for that matter being my assistant.
First off, Santa, I want to promise you that things are going to go much smoother next year. Along the same note, I will be a much better, more behaved, less heinous and horny individual next year, I promise.
Moving right along, Kris, let's get down to business. You're in the business of giving. I'm in the business of receiving and in some cases taking, but I want to be a good boy over the holiday season and not make anyone cry; thus, I will be mature and polite. The following items are what I truly desire from the bottom of my heart and I feel I most certainly deserve them.
First and foremost, finals are a week away. Santa, this one is a bit untraditional, but I need a month's worth of Adderall ASAP. I'm not kidding. Get it for me. I don't care what you have to do; beg for it, steal it, work the corner, make it, whatever. Just get me the brain candy. Let me assure you that my brain, GPA, profs, father and future employers will thank you.
Next, I need a new iPod. Santa, you brought me a 20-gig iPod more than a year ago and it's, like, way out of style and definitely not trendy. Having one of the huge 20-GB is like the equivalent to having a Zack Morris phone. Not cool. So Santa, I need a Nano. Actually, better make it two, in case one just isn't enough for all my music.
Thanks, Santa, but don't forget, only the color white. The others colors - not gonna lie - freak me out.
I could really go for a Miami RedHawks hockey jersey too. Again, not gonna lie, but I would never have fathomed my RedHawks to reach the No. 2 spot in the USA Today hockey poll. Get me a jersey. I will wear it only to Goggin and of course the pregame beforehand because that is where the war is won - not on the ice but behind the glass where thousands of intoxicated, insane students and fans cheer for their beloved Red and White.
The other day, I was also thinking how convenient it would be to have a personal assistant to answer my beck and call. I would think it would be a cross between Bruce Wayne's Alfred and Vincent Chase's Turtle - wait, that's just an old stoner with a corny British accent that can't speak correctly - I refuse to have Ozzy or Keith Richards for that matter being my assistant.
