Miami Student

Issue date: 4/25/06 Section: OpEd Page

So here's the problem: The problem is that you can never define what this experience of college has meant to you. Whether it's an old flame who still enjoys your company years after the relationship has ended, whether it's the friends you've kept from high school who will remind you when you weren't that cool and couldn't talk to a girl to save your life (OK, so this hasn't changed), whether it's that person you met on your study abroad trip who got drunk with you in so many strange European cities that you got to know every embarrassing story and past tragedy in each other's lives, whether it's the co-workers who always gave you the feeling when you left the office that you hadn't been working but just hanging out with your friends, whether it's the ex-girlfriend who you first met at a party when you thought to yourself that she had the most beautiful pair of eyes you'd ever seen inside of a human skull, whether it's all the roommates with whom you've shared dorm rooms and apartments - not to mention living rooms, kitchens, showers and toilets - who all feel more like your brothers than your friends, whether it's the people you've only just met this year who you didn't get nearly enough time with. …

The problem is that for all these people, there is just no way to tell them how much you love them - how goddamn much they mean to you. So you stare at them across the room at a party and think about how you'll probably just have to let them slip out of your life without ever letting them know. …

Such is the way of things, I guess. We move on. We go other places, meet other people, and relegate the rest to memory. I suppose the best thing to say to these people - to you reading this - is thanks for carving out a place among those memories for me.

Finally, I have to thank some people. Thank you to Ann Coulter for being such a joke. Thanks to the woman in Amsterdam who showed me that vaginal muscles can be built to Herculean strength. Thanks to George W. Bush for giving me so much material. Thanks to all the professors who brought my name up in their classes. Thanks to the College Republicans for being such an easy target. Thanks to the Miami administrators who unwittingly broke out a bottle of hand lotion for me. Thanks to everyone who ever felt the need to spend a portion of their life telling me what they thought about what I thought.

Thanks for everything. Here's hoping our paths cross again someday.

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