Spring Break
Language matters, especially when talking marriage
Jason Boeckman
Issue date: 11/18/08 Section: OpEd Page
Additionally, I'm not sure about this phenomenon called "gay marriage." I've been hearing so much about really even exists? If it did, you would think I'd hear a whole lot more about "straight marriage." I attended a high school friend's wedding ceremony last month-the first wedding I had attended in 23 years, actually-and I'm almost positive my invitation didn't read "You're invited to the straight wedding of Ben and Heather Robertson."
This all should sound pretty silly. And I'd like to think I even got a laugh or two.
But in all seriousness, a marriage is a marriage and that's the message we were communicating last Saturday.
I'll tell you what a marriage isn't because that might help, too. As much as I wish Britney Spears well, her 55-hour Vegas marriage did nothing but disrespect the institution. What's not a marriage can be found in the example of former Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer's infidelity. And what's definitely not a marriage is when gay and lesbian people enter sham marriages with a person of the opposite sex because of societal pressure to conform or feelings of expectation or obligation. I have the sneaking suspicion that if gay people were allowed to marry other gay people there'd be fewer spouses and children affected by divorce following comings out. I can only imagine how unhappy, guilty and desperate it'd make me to live a lie like that. But that's the reality for some in our country. And it's a reality we have the power to eliminate.
And nobody's perfect. In fact, it's been well-documented that roughly half of all marriages in our country end in divorce, and for a variety of reasons. But people marry because the chance of failing is worth the possibility of succeeding. Don't we all deserve that chance?
Gay people exist. We've graduated beyond pretending as a society that this isn't so (see Obama's acceptance speech, Nov. 4). And gay people fall in love. Gay people fall in love like any of us do and their love is just as legitimate. If our country is going to give them permission to explore that love, how can we not reward the commitment of these loving couples with marriage?
I haven't met the one. But what if one day I should be so lucky to meet him? I would hope that our country had come around by then in terms of marriage equality. But make no mistake. When I commit to that person, he will be my husband and I will be his.
Jason Boeckman
boeckmjd@muohio.edu
This all should sound pretty silly. And I'd like to think I even got a laugh or two.
But in all seriousness, a marriage is a marriage and that's the message we were communicating last Saturday.
I'll tell you what a marriage isn't because that might help, too. As much as I wish Britney Spears well, her 55-hour Vegas marriage did nothing but disrespect the institution. What's not a marriage can be found in the example of former Governor of New York Eliot Spitzer's infidelity. And what's definitely not a marriage is when gay and lesbian people enter sham marriages with a person of the opposite sex because of societal pressure to conform or feelings of expectation or obligation. I have the sneaking suspicion that if gay people were allowed to marry other gay people there'd be fewer spouses and children affected by divorce following comings out. I can only imagine how unhappy, guilty and desperate it'd make me to live a lie like that. But that's the reality for some in our country. And it's a reality we have the power to eliminate.
And nobody's perfect. In fact, it's been well-documented that roughly half of all marriages in our country end in divorce, and for a variety of reasons. But people marry because the chance of failing is worth the possibility of succeeding. Don't we all deserve that chance?
Gay people exist. We've graduated beyond pretending as a society that this isn't so (see Obama's acceptance speech, Nov. 4). And gay people fall in love. Gay people fall in love like any of us do and their love is just as legitimate. If our country is going to give them permission to explore that love, how can we not reward the commitment of these loving couples with marriage?
I haven't met the one. But what if one day I should be so lucky to meet him? I would hope that our country had come around by then in terms of marriage equality. But make no mistake. When I commit to that person, he will be my husband and I will be his.
Jason Boeckman
boeckmjd@muohio.edu
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