How to tell someone you hate them ... through music
Erich Schrader
Issue date: 11/20/09 Section: Amusement
As I've mentioned before, music is capable of just about anything, and so are people. This is why it's always important to be in touch with your anger and to know how to properly express it through different musical means. People oftentimes suck, and you are morally obligated as a decent member of society to call out the offending party appropriately.
But how does one properly convey hatred with music you ask? Allow me to elaborate.
There are several things you can do. Personally, if somebody does something to piss me off, I feel compelled to tell them how much they upset me. I often do this by giving them a store-bought copy of the most recent Nickelback album. Say I hand you a copy of Silver Side Up; this is me telling you, "hey, you are such a douche that I paid $13 to get you a F*ck Off card for your birthday. Enjoy."
You can also tell how angry I am by how many CDs I give you. If I were to give you their entire collection of recorded works, you should start getting your affairs in order: say farewell to loved ones, etc.
But again, that's just me. You can find any number of ways to lyrically express your own physical disgust with someone's actions.
A more time-consuming option is to write a song. Everyone thinks they can play guitar anyway, so just watch "The Wedding Singer" a few times and make sure to pay attention to his song, "Somebody Kill Me Please." Now that's how you write a break-up song.
Remember in the movie "Say Anything" when John Cusack stands outside that chick's window with the boombox blaring that Peter Gabriel song? Seems to me like that is pretty ripe with opportunities. Assuming you could find a classic boombox (your iHome just wouldn't have the same effect), it's time to make a mix tape of songs by Hinder and Buck Cherry. Few things can communicate hate like making somebody listen to either of the
aforementioned bands.
Let's assume for a moment that you are in a bar-type setting. Some random Bro J. Simpson indiscriminately knocks your drink out of your hand while on his way to hit on some bleached blonde little number at another table. He fails to acknowledge his mistake by means of apology or otherwise. I'll tell you what: you have found yourself a perfect candidate to which you can express your distaste for such classless acts of douche-baggery. Grab a few quarters from your friends Vera Bradley wristlet; you are going to the jukebox.
But how does one properly convey hatred with music you ask? Allow me to elaborate.
There are several things you can do. Personally, if somebody does something to piss me off, I feel compelled to tell them how much they upset me. I often do this by giving them a store-bought copy of the most recent Nickelback album. Say I hand you a copy of Silver Side Up; this is me telling you, "hey, you are such a douche that I paid $13 to get you a F*ck Off card for your birthday. Enjoy."
You can also tell how angry I am by how many CDs I give you. If I were to give you their entire collection of recorded works, you should start getting your affairs in order: say farewell to loved ones, etc.
But again, that's just me. You can find any number of ways to lyrically express your own physical disgust with someone's actions.
A more time-consuming option is to write a song. Everyone thinks they can play guitar anyway, so just watch "The Wedding Singer" a few times and make sure to pay attention to his song, "Somebody Kill Me Please." Now that's how you write a break-up song.
Remember in the movie "Say Anything" when John Cusack stands outside that chick's window with the boombox blaring that Peter Gabriel song? Seems to me like that is pretty ripe with opportunities. Assuming you could find a classic boombox (your iHome just wouldn't have the same effect), it's time to make a mix tape of songs by Hinder and Buck Cherry. Few things can communicate hate like making somebody listen to either of the
aforementioned bands.
Let's assume for a moment that you are in a bar-type setting. Some random Bro J. Simpson indiscriminately knocks your drink out of your hand while on his way to hit on some bleached blonde little number at another table. He fails to acknowledge his mistake by means of apology or otherwise. I'll tell you what: you have found yourself a perfect candidate to which you can express your distaste for such classless acts of douche-baggery. Grab a few quarters from your friends Vera Bradley wristlet; you are going to the jukebox.
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